/ Doug's Chocolate Republic /
Review: Milka Whole Hazelnut
Milka Whole Hazelnut
Posted: 2 July 2011
Alpine milk aside, the bar is decent for a mainstream brand. Milka
is like the German Hershey, and the chocolate here is a lot
better than Hershey. After eating half a bar, my
taste buds vacillating between "not bad" and "this is pretty
good," I finally came to terms that what I was eating was the poor man's Lindt.
price/gram: USD 0.018
Cocoa %: 30
One day in the not-to-distant
future, every chocolate bar in the world will be
manufactured by Kraft. You heard it here first.
I'm flabbergasted how many brands Kraft owns.
With their purchase of Cadbury, they now own Green &
Black's. But Green & Black's is chump change
They own mediocre mainstream Swedish brand Marabou.
And when I popped this Milka bar off the shelves yesterday,
I noticed Kraft also owns this popular brand in the
Milka is a portmanteau
created from the German words for milk (milch) and cocoa (kakao).
It's a good name for this company because milk chocolate
variations are all they make.
I first tried Milka back in
the mid 1990's. A German girl I was then with said
they were so amazing. I ate it and forgot about it, so
my impressions weren't that high Tasting another one
yesterday, my first one in almost 16 years, I have a bit
more to add on the subject.
The milk chocolate is on the
sweet side. It must be a German thing. The
Ritter Sport milk bars I've consumed were also too sweet.
Like Ritter, Milka tries to suck the Alpine imagery for all
its worse. Do the cows whose milk is used in these
bars really graze upon the Alps?This being Kraft and
marketing being everything, I'd say some of the milk used in
this bar comes from Alpine cows. The bar has a stamped
guarantee that it's 100% alpine milk. I don't know how German food and drug labeling laws work. In the US,
laws can subtly bend the standards. If a food contains less than half a gram of trans-fat (hydrogenated oil) per serving, it
is considered, by American government standards, to contain 0g of trans fat. For water to be sold as distilled in the grocery store,
it needn't have a pH of 7.0 or have completely undergone distillation. Only a percentage of the water needs to have been
distilled to legally sell the entire water as distilled.
So if Germany has a law that any milk which contains at
least 60% Alpine milk can legally be called Alpine milk,
then 100% Alpen milk on a label could really just mean 100%
of the legal definition of Alpine milk..
Alpine milk aside, the bar is
decent for a mainstream brand. Milka is like the
German Hershey, and the chocolate here is a lot better than
Hershey. The company is generous with the hazelnuts at
20% content, and they're not cheapening it with vegetable
fats. 30% is a respectable cocoa solid percentage for a mainstream milk bar.
But the relevant question: is it good? After eating half a bar, my taste buds vacillating between
"not bad" and "this is pretty good", I
finally came to terms that
what I was eating was the poor man's Lindt.
Milka punches above the middle on creaminess, taste, and
texture. It's a reliable performer, but you know it'll
never be taking home any serious medals.