/ Doug's Chocolate Republic /
Review: Swisslion-Takovo's Eurocrem
Posted: 9 September 2011
During the socialist Yugoslavian days when dinars were the king, the Eurocrem Blok could have been king of the Marxist candy bar roost in these parts, the Socialist Nutella if you will.
Getting classified as great milk chocolate isn't Swisslion-Takova's game. Their bar is a candy bar, not a chocolate bar, plain and simple. Eurocrem's
lack of proper milk solid content should pose no threat to
Serbia's planned accession to the European Union in 2014.
price/gram: USD 0.013
Cocoa %: 15*
* Estimated cocoa solid content
Serbian-made Eurocrem, from
the company Swisslion-Takova, was supposed to be an in joke.
Loyal Chocolate Republic benefactor, Aussie Dave, had bought
a few of these Eurocrem Bloks for a camping trip, thinking
they were from Albania. "This bar has a
shot at a '1' rating," he wrote. As of this writing,
there is no bar rated this low on the Chocolate Republic.
Wanting to fairly state that I had tried all kinds of
chocolates, from the pinnacles of a chocolate Everest to the
lows of chocolate covered trash, I perversely desired the
Eurocrem to be so bad that it would set the benchmark for
crappy within the Chocolate Republic's boundaries.
Aussie Dave e-mailed me a
photograph of the bar. With no English on the wrapper
and a color scheme and graphic design reminiscent of 1960's
socialism in Eastern Europe, no one was putting high hopes
on the bar. This bar is the nerdy outcast invited
to a chic party. The kid thinks he's evolved to a
respectable level of cool by getting invited, when he really
only got the invite so the cool kids would have someone
to laugh at. Eurocrem was only invited to my
party so that I'd have a '1' rated bar on the Chocolate
Republic I could later refer to as the way not to make
The Eurocrem name originally
comes from Italy. The Gandola company produced -- and
still produces -- a spread by that name. In 1972, the
then Yugoslavian company of Swisslion-Takovo licensed the
name and sold the chocolate and hazelnut combo spread to the
socialist masses. The company is now considered
Serbian after the disintegration of the Socialist Federal
Republic of Yugoslavia in the early 90's. The Eurocrem Blok is a bar
version of the spread, a layer of hazelnut cream sandwiched
in between two layers of chocolate. How bad
could this be?
Not bad at all surprisingly. During
the socialist Yugoslavian days when dinars were the king,
the Eurocrem Blok could have been king of the Marxist candy bar
roost in these parts, the Socialist Nutella if you will. My first complaint
with the Eurocrem Blok is that the hazelnut cream
filling is too sweet. Tone down some of the sugar, Swisslion-Takovo. Not all of us want to develop
insulin resistance. My second complaint is the
chocolate. The chocolate isn't the finest on any list
you choose to draw up. European rules dictate that any EU chocolate manufacturer, excluding
Ireland and the UK, must have a minimum of 25% cocoa solids
before marketing their bars as milk chocolate. Eurocrem's
chocolate is as far from qualifying for milk
chocolate status as Bangladesh ever has of developing
talking robotic sex slaves. How much real cacao is in
this bar? We doubt Swisslion-Takovo even knows. Getting classified as great milk chocolate isn't Swisslion-Takova's game though. Their bar is a candy bar, not
a chocolate bar, plain and simple. Eurocrem's lack
of proper milk solid content should pose no threat to
planned accession to the European Union in 2014.
The Chocolate Republic is
surprised Eurocrem has gone as far as it has. It's now
available in Australia and the United States. Who'd
have thought a bar with such strong socialist roots would be
provoking talk -- all right, very faint whispers -- in
capitalist nations far, far away. Eurocrem is like an
actor with marginal talent somehow finding his way into big
budget A-list Hollywood productions, but in minor parts.
Actually, as I write this, I am even surprised I reviewed it
for the Republic.
Eurocrem got invited to a
party no one wanted it to attend, and now who's laughing?
Swisslion-Takovo, all the way to the capitalist banks.