/ Doug's Chocolate Republic /
Review: Theo Milk Chocolate
Theo Milk Chocolate
Posted: 13 October 2011
This is a decent milk with more than decent ingredients. The ingredient list, all certified organic by the Washington State Department of Agriculture, is simple and brief, just the way naturally made products should be. The milk chocolate offered a pleasant enough taste but nothing that stuck to my tongue's memory banks and makes me lust for repeat tastes.
price/gram: USD 0.048
Cocoa %: 45
When it comes to reviewing
the organic and fairtrade American chocolate company, Theo out of Washington state, I feel
like an ass for giving it anything less than a stellar
rating, given its commitment to cacao growers and the
environment. But hell, I respect TV specials that
teach kids to stay off alcohol and smack, but it the TV special is cliched and full of bad acting, writing, and directing, I'm
going to pan that, too. Let's keep the message
separate from the messenger.
Theo seems like a top class
operation. For $6, they offer tours of their factory,
which include more than enough free samples to warrant the
price, as compared to Cadbury Australia's tours of their Tasmanian
operation which offer zero value for the admission
ticket. Tour participants marvel at the level of
detail Theo puts into its chocolates. I've yet to visit Washington, but a Theo factory tour might be the main
motivation in ever getting out there.
Theo's Milk Chocolate struck
me as unique even before I'd opened up the wrapper. In
an age when Cadbury is
calling its bars dark with just 45%
cacao content, organic fairtrade Theo is selling its milk
chocolate bars with the identical cacao content. Makes you
realize just how phony these multinationals can be.
Should I really be all that surprised? Michael Jackson was
defining himself as a Caucasian before his untimely demise.
If black can be white in someone's demented mind, then so,
too, can light chocolate be dark.
This is a decent milk with
more than decent ingredients. The ingredient list, all
certified organic by the Washington State Department of
Agriculture, is simple and brief, just the way naturally
made products should be: sugar, cocoa beans, milk
powder, cocoa powder, and ground vanilla bean. You got that
last one right. Not vanilla or vanilla flavoring, but
real hearty vanilla bean. I would love to be writing
that this milk chocolate bar, packed with cocoa
solids, rocked my world. I can't. The milk
a pleasant enough taste but nothing that stuck to my
tongue's memory banks and makes me lust for repeat tastes.
I did not comment to myself as I ate it, "Mmmmm. This
organic and fairtrade bar is redefining how good a milk
chocolate bar can be." A bar batting one out of
the park would've been making a much stronger impression.
Theo's Milk Chocolate is
explained by the Lasagna Corollary. My brother was at
a friend's house for dinner. The friend's wife
prepared a lasagna
made from all non-premium ingredients. I'm referring to
canned tomato sauces (and not even high quality brands),
processed cheeses, store-bought white flour noodles.
And yet it was one of the best lasagnas he ever had.
It's quite possible I could take him to a fine Italian
restaurant which produced its tomato sauces from scratch,
sourced the finest Italian cheeses, used only homemade
noodles, and this restaurant's lasagna would not surpass, in
my brother's eyes, the lasagna he had at his friend's house.
No one would suggest the friend's wife could outcook the fine
Italian restaurant on every significant Italian dish. We'll
leave it at she makes a damned good lasagna.
Theo is that fine Italian
restaurant, a bean-to-bar manufacturer completely in charge
of their manufacturing processes. We'll grant credit
where it's due. I'd love to give credit that their
milk chocolate was divine, but that credit, I'm afraid,
belongs to some friend's wife.