There are always times in our life where we have to do something we have no desire to do.  That's just the way it is.  I was once 'forced' to ring a woman after a friend twisted my arm to make the call.   Singaporeans, Israelis, and Koreans fulfill their military service obligations.  Few, I'm sure, are looking forward to it.  For me, reviewing Cadbury bars made in India is one such activity.       

In my blind New Year's Eve Cadbury taste test, Indian-made Cadbury bars induced gagging. They were slightly better than the Malaysian-made Cadbury bars, and that's not saying much.  Malaysian-made Cadburys are so bad that neighboring Singapore, just minutes away over the Straits of Johor, won't import them.  Singapore brings their Cadbury bars in from Australia.  The only Indian-made bars that one can justify eating are the Silk line, and I couldn't find any in 23 nights in India.  I only managed to see the Silks in the duty free shop on my way out of India. 

I hadn't ever tried the Indian-made Bournevilles.  I didn't even know they existed.  I was on my way back to Delhi from Rishikesh and the bus station where I was purchasing my kathi roll was also selling a few Bournevilles.  The British-made Bournevilles aren't anything to e-mail or fax home about.   They're billed as 'dark' chocolates in the low 40% cocoa solid range.  I found the UK Cadbury Bournevilles to have an artificial dark chocolate taste.  What would that mean for the Indian version?    

The ingredients are not a pretty picture.  The bar contains two emulsifiers coded with numbers and there's a notice that it contains "added nature identical flavouring substances."  In my version of English, that means artificial flavors.  Cadbury India hypes up the health benefits.  "Being rich in cocoa," they say on the back wrapper, "Cadbury Bourneville is good for you." This is the kind of nonsense you get sued for in the United States.  44% cocoa solids is not rich in cocoa solids.         

Cadbury India is lucky I tried this bar in a vacuum.  I had nothing but other mediocre Indian Cadbury bars to compare it with.  The bar is skimpy with the almonds, with just 12% content.  And the texture is gritty.   Truth be told, I can't say it's any better or worse than the previous Indian milk chocolate bars I've consumed.  Hence, the same rating.

By now I'm convinced there must be a tacit agreement between Cadbury India and Indian consumers.  "We'll make shitty chocolate," says Cadbury India.  "If you agree to just shut up and eat it."  I visited a film studio while in southern India that, by Western standards, was as half assed as an elementary school rendition of Our Town, and yet the Indians slurped it all up.   When I visited Universal Studios Singapore just a few weeks later, I was reminded just how third rate the Indian venture was.  Indians don't know better because the majority haven't experienced anything better.  There's the Cadbury India Bourneville story in one sentence.