Benelux states in Europe according to Voltaire Brown the Europe guru. There are three Benelux nations.
Belgium, Netherlands (Holland),
and Luxembourg, and they are rich bitches.
"The only reason Benelux hasn’t gone the same way as disco
is the linguistic overlaps between the countries."
An unlikely trio, the Benelux countries of Belgium, the Netherlands, and
Luxembourg teamed up economically in 1958 because that was something
everyone else seemed to be doing.The Belgians consider themselves sophisticated; the Dutch, liberally
innovative; and the Luxembourgeoisie, stylistically elegant.It’s rather too bad that no two in the group share the third’s
opinion of itself.The Dutch and
Luxemborgeoisie think the Belgians are stuffy; the Belgians and Dutch think
the Luxembourgeoisie are greedy; and the Belgians and Luxembourgeoisie wish
the Dutch would clean their heroine needles a little more often.
The reality of the situation is that the three countries are as different as
night and day, and no union should have ever been agreed on the first place.The only reason Benelux hasn’t gone the same way as disco is the
linguistic overlaps between the countries.Factions within each country don’t want to see the dismal union end.The Dutch and a good share of the Belgian population speak the same
language, though each mocks the other’s pronunciation constantly.In 1984, the Dutch and the Flemish-speakers (who really speak Dutch,
but with a nasally atrocious accent) came to blows over the pronunciation of
the word for ‘cat.’It was
suggested by the European Union Council that the Dutch and Belgians go their
separate ways and end Benelux.
The next morning, the opposing groups were sleeping on top of each other at
a love-in.In 1987, the
French-speaking Belgians attempted to annex the French-speaking part of
Luxembourg and convert it into one big grape-pressing factory the size of
Bill Gates’ living room.The
German part of the population went into an uproar, and again, Benelux’s
future looked bleak.By
nightfall everyone was forgiving everyone else for things that hadn’t even
been done, and fresh talk was in the air of making the French area of
Luxembourg a French fry processing area.
So the union remains what it is.The
Dutch and Belgians constantly fight over who plays football better, who brews
better beer, and who has a fancier Red Light District.Luxembourg constantly threatens to leave a union that no one cares about,
and the Belgians blackmail the Luxembourgeoisie by promising that if they don’t
shape up, Belgium will see to it that Luxembourg gets left off all of next
year’s globes.This already happened
in 1965, and the only country to have noticed the omission was
Liechtenstein.Then again, most people think Liechtenstein is in
April 1991, the Dutch and Belgian governments sponsored a prostitution
exchange so that males of the two nations might be drawn closer together
through common experiences.The program had all the right intentions but failed.The Belgian women couldn’t stand the smell of Dutch canals, and
the Dutch women grew tired of being asked to perform certain lewd acts
[When making a comment
about this page, indicate this chapter and this subsection]