An unlikely trio, the Benelux countries of Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg teamed up economically in 1958 because that was something everyone else seemed to be doing.  The Belgians consider themselves sophisticated; the Dutch, liberally innovative; and the Luxembourgeoisie, stylistically elegant.  It’s rather too bad that no two in the group share the third’s opinion of itself.  The Dutch and Luxemborgeoisie think the Belgians are stuffy; the Belgians and Dutch think the Luxembourgeoisie are greedy; and the Belgians and Luxembourgeoisie wish the Dutch would clean their heroine needles a little more often.

The reality of the situation is that the three countries are as different as night and day, and no union should have ever been agreed on the first place.  The only reason Benelux hasn’t gone the same way as disco is the linguistic overlaps between the countries.  Factions within each country don’t want to see the dismal union end.  The Dutch and a good share of the Belgian population speak the same language, though each mocks the other’s pronunciation constantly.  In 1984, the Dutch and the Flemish-speakers (who really speak Dutch, but with a nasally atrocious accent) came to blows over the pronunciation of the word for ‘cat.’  It was suggested by the European Union Council that the Dutch and Belgians go their separate ways and end Benelux.  The next morning, the opposing groups were sleeping on top of each other at a love-in.   In 1987, the French-speaking Belgians attempted to annex the French-speaking part of Luxembourg and convert it into one big grape-pressing factory the size of Bill Gates’ living room.  The German part of the population went into an uproar, and again, Benelux’s future looked bleak.  By nightfall everyone was forgiving everyone else for things that hadn’t even been done, and fresh talk was in the air of making the French area of Luxembourg a French fry processing area.